Testi Grandpa's Thanksgiving Story - Larry The Cable Guy

Grandpa's Thanksgiving Story

Many years ago… Christopher Columbus and his pilgrim buddies come to America
on a boat called the Mayflower to live because the English King wouldn’t let
the Jewish people go
So Moses, who was a friend of Christopher Columbus, rented 3 boats:
the Mayflower, the Santa Maria, and the USS Enterprise
When they landed on America, and indian squaw, named Sacagawea, met them and
traded them pelts for beer, and then showed them how to de-gut a rabbit
That night her friends danced around with their boobs hanging out and balanced
clay pots on their heads
The head pilgrim then baptized all the Indians to be Christians and they shot
turkeys and played horseshoes
It was General Custer’s birthday, and three Oriental Kings showed up with gifts
of myrrh and other crap
Many pilgrims did not survive the first winter because they didn’t have heat
because Jimmy Carter who was president of the Pilgrims had an oil embargo
Sacagawea and her Indian friends burnt buffalo turds and heated the camp
The pilgrims was thankful
However it smelled so bad animals come outta the forest two by two
The Lord then made a rainbow appear, to show that he would never make turds
burn again, and cause a horrible smell
Sacagawea fell in love with Kemosabe, and they were married on that first
Thanksgiving, and lived in a tent with wheels. That’s right
All the pilgrims were glad to be away from the king, and to beat that they all
landed right on Thanksgiving day
Charlton Heston was then elected president
My grandpa was REALLY drunk