| This song’s about the Tomato Vendetta,
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| and the tale of a man who let a
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| Hate for tomatoes cause him strife,
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| He lost his job, wife, home, car, kids, and life.
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| He’d go downtown to buy some groceries,
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| He went because his family was hungry,
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| He always bought red meat and potatoes
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| But he wouldn’t touch those ugly tomatoes…
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| He didn’t know why he hated tomatoes,
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| They were just as ugly as far as ugly goes,
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| There in the store, when no-one was watchin',
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| He’d set melons on them and laugh at their squashin'.
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| One night after shopping and on his way home,
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| His loathing for tomatoes cut to the bone,
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| He just couldn’t stand the strain any more,
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| He vowed to destroy the Tomato Horde.
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| He turned around, and viciously hopin'
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| The grocery stores would still be open,
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| His eyes grew cold, for he was a man,
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| Whose Moment of Truth lay close at hand.
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| All over town, in every store,
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| Tomatoes were hurt and spilled on the floor,
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| Big melons, and turkeys, and large sacks of grits,
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| Were dumped on their sections to mash them to bits.
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| At the last store he finished his plan,
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| But on his way out, a delivery van,
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| Full of big ripe Tomatoes drove in and hit him,
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| Tomato Vendetta had claimed its victim.
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| The incident of the Tomato Vendetta,
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| Caused a sensation that was something that the
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| Public could relish, and readily snatch-up,
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| Popularly known as the t-o-m-a-t-o k-e-t-c-h-u-p… |