| Tonight at eight, you shoulda seen
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| A chauffeur pull up in a rented limousine
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| My neighbors burned, they like to die
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| When I tell them who is gettin' in and goin' out is I
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| If they could see me now, that little gang of mine
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| I’m eating fancy chow and drinking fancy wine
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| I’d like those stumble bums to see for a fact
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| The kind of top drawer, first rate chums I attract
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| All I can say is, «Wow-ee», looka where I am
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| Tonight, I landed, pow, right in a pot of jam
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| What a set up, holy cow, they’d never believe it
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| If my friends could see me now, if they could see me now
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| My little dusty group, traipsin' 'round this million dollar chicken coop
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| I’d hear those thrift shop cats say, «Brother, get her
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| Draped on a bed spread made from three kinds of fur»
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| All I can say is, «Wow, wait till the riff an' raff
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| See just exactly how he sign this autograph»
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| What a build up, holy cow, they’d never believe it
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| If my friends could see me now, if they could see me now
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| Alone with Mister V., who’s waiting on me like he was a maitre d'
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| I’d hear my buddies saying, «Crazy, what gives?
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| Tonight she’s living like the other half lives»
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| To think the highest brow, which I must say is he
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| Should pick the lowest brow, which there’s no doubt is me
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| What a step up, holy cow, they’d never believe it
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| If my friends could see me now
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| What a step up, holy cow, they’d never believe it
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| They’d never believe it, if my friends could see me now
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| Hi girls, it’s me, Charity |