| This is the story of a young girl |
| Who was the hippest chick in town. |
| They call her Big Noise from Winettka. |
| Miss Birdie’s sure to get around. |
| Big Noise flew in from Winnetka, |
| Stole each fellow’s heart and then |
| Big Noise flew in from Winnetka, |
| Big Noise flew right out again. |
| Stop! Look! Listen! Here comes the Big Noise! |
| Stop! Look! Listen! Here comes the Big Noise! |
| I am the one they call the Big Noise. |
| I’m looking fine and feeling sharp. |
| I just flew in from Winnetka, don’t you know? |
| I’m gonna blow this joint apart! |
| I got my high heels! I don’t need no wheels! |
| My footwork is an art! |
| You know the joint is jumpin', |
| My heart is pumpin', |
| And this is just the start! |
| Whoa! I was a big noise from Winnetka, |
| I’ll be a big noise in your heart! |
| Whooooa! |
| Tempting when she’s walkin', |
| Tempting when she’s talkin'! |
| Listen to her squakin'! |
| There she goes 'round again, |
| Up and then down again, |
| In and then out, ooooh, bop! |
| «Hi! Welcome to another foul evening with the Divine Miss M! |
| „After many a summer dies the swan,“ |
| But not when their stuck in a turkey as big as this one! |
| Watch us as we scratch and claw out hour |
| Upon the stage in yet another feeble-minded attempt |
| To turn chicken shit in to chicken salad. |
| Make no mistake about it, eggs will be laid tonight! |
| Ain’t that right girls? Oh, my girls. |
| My three favorite schochkies on the breakfront of life. |
| I’ll never forget the first time I found these girls, |
| Selling their papayas on 42nd Street. So flushed, so filthy. |
| The astonishing verbal abuse they heaped upon me made me certain |
| We were destined to share the stage someday. |
| Not only are my girls fine singers and dancers, |
| Not only are they gorgeous and talented, |
| But they also think I’m god! |
| Ain’t that right, girls? |
| They function as a greek chorus. |
| These girls don’t know shit about Euripides, |
| But they know plenty about Trojans. |
| Ladies and gentlemen, a rousing hand for the semi-classical |
| Harlettes! Laides! |
| Alright girls, sing 'em your siren song, go ahead. |
| Turn them men into pigs. Not the band, you idiots. |
| Those, that bunch right over there in the front row. |
| Not much of a challenge, huh? |
| This group is already well on its way to oink oink land. |
| Oops, so sorry. Once again behaving in a manner I had sworn to aschew. |
| Thank you. Once again falling into the vat of vulgarity. |
| Oh tut tut. I did so want to leave my sordid past behind and emerge |
| Form this project beathed in a new and ennobling light. |
| I wanted to come out and be the sweet, pure, honest, |
| Unadorned person that I really really am. |
| I wanted to show you the good beneath the gaudy, |
| The saint beneath all this paint, the sweet, pure, |
| Winsome little soul that lurks beneath this lurid exterior. |
| But fortunately, just as I was about to rush down the path |
| To repectability and righteousness, |
| A wee small voice called out to me in the night |
| And reminded me of the motto by which I’ve always tried to live my life: |
| F$CK 'EM IF THEY CAN’T TAKE A JOKE!» |
| «Hi! „After many a summer dies the swan,“ |
| But not when she’s stuck in a turkey the size of this one! |
| Make no mistake about it folks, eggs will be laid tonight! |
| Ain’t that right girls? Oh, my girls. |
| My three favorite schochkies on the breakfront of life. |
| I’ll never forget the first time I found these girls, |
| Peddling their papayas on 42nd Street. |
| Not only are my girls fine singers and dancers, |
| Not only are they gorgeous and talented, |
| But they also think I’m god!» |
| I am the one they call the bi-I-I-I-g noise! |
| I am a living work of art! |
| I just flew in from Winnetka, daddy-o! |
| I’m gonna blow this joint apart! |
| Everyone has a bit of big noise in his heart. |
| Everyone loves a little sin. |
| Well, I’m gonna be the first girl in the line |
| When the festivities begin! |
| I was a scandle, too hot to handle! |
| They said, «You'd best depart!» |
| Oh! Exit Big Noise from Winnetka. |
| Enter |
| Enter! Enter! |
| Big Noise in his heart! |