| Children singing merrily
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| Carols till my ears are bleeding
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| Christmas, at Christmas
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| Strangers and their looks of glee
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| Smiling at you stupidly
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| At Christmas, at Christmas
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| Shopping in December is delightful
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| If you’re into people acting spiteful
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| Precious children with their lists
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| It’s pure unbridled avarice
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| At Christmas, at Christmas
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| Spend the whole year saving cash
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| And then you blow it out your ass
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| At Christmas, Christmas
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| People laugh and say that I am crazy
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| They talk about how Christmas is amazing
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| They’re all stressed and they’re all broke
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| Sometimes I think it’s all a joke
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| We laugh it off and say it must be Christmas
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| All these lights are such a thrill
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| And so is the electric bill
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| At Christmas, Christmas
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| Bing Crosby is a liar
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| Who roasts chestnuts on a fire
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| At Christmas, Christmas
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| A tree inside a living room is crazy
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| Branches drying near a fire blazing
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| You can go and pick your tree
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| But you can’t pick your family
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| At Christmas, at Christmas
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| Uncle Jeff is drinking gin
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| He’s puking in the popcorn tin
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| At Christmas, at Christmas
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| Politics, religion at the table
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| Now you’re telling me you don’t have cable
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| Nothing else can give me fits
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| Like presents bought by idiots
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| At Christmas, Christmas
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| Ties and socks so terrible
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| And sweaters only wearable
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| At Christmas, Christmas
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| Dress it up and call it a tradition
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| I prefer a Yuletide demolition
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| Everyone is awkward here
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| And we just call it Christmas cheer
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| So let’s all have another beer it’s Christmas
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| So don’t you play your Christmas songs
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| Until December comes along
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| Oh why was baby Jesus born on Christmas? |