| Ladies and fellas, I was hella bored |
| So I pedaled hella hard |
| To a seminar in Zanzibar |
| Ben & Jerry, tennis star, and Pat Benatar |
| Ridin' on my handlebars |
| That I had gaffled from a scrap metal yard |
| When it fell apart, I got a rental car |
| With mental Art Lemmon’s credit card |
| Double-parked on the boulevard in front of Cinnabon |
| Won a tug-of-war with a minotaur |
| Then I toured the far north on a Portuguese man-o-war |
| Santa Claus handed me a catalog |
| The envelope attached on it said that you can have it all |
| So I got an antelope from Manitoba |
| Salad bowl, a catapult, a can of soda, paddleboat, a camera phone |
| And also a Barry Manilow, autographed canteloupe and every episode of «Solid Gold» |
| The antidote to Babylon and Amazon in an acid-washed can of salt |
| Then her friend had tagged along, who looked at all on Appolonia |
| When I do that damn thing, I do that damn thing |
| I do that damn thing, I do that there |
| Here’s the story folks |
| Totally stoned, I rode the slopes of Mount Holyoke |
| At 40 below, lo and behold |
| My homey poked too many holes in my snowmobile wheels |
| Now I’m rollin' on some Boboli’s with spokes |
| Had to pony up the dough to get it all green and gold |
| Mumble ho, stole an Oreo, a Polaroid, some saltines |
| An overcoat from Walgreens, some corduroys, some sardines, canola oil |
| All singin' «row, row, row ya boat» |
| On and on, with Obi-Wan Kenobi, Shinobi and Kobe Bryant |
| Pokemon and Pinnochio on the Okeefenokee, Swamp |
| Europe, Portugal, Tokyo, Borneo and Coney Island |
| With the Horny Toad Memorial Orchestra with Barry White |
| Lyrics Born on rhymes, Maury Povich on viola, Berry Gordy on organ & Joe Torre |
| on chimes |
| Don Corleone gave accordions to Marlboro Marty |
| When we recorded Jerome & Marcus singin' «oh-wee-oh-wee-oh» |
| Whoa… Einstein, do it |
| Whoa… Bring it back, now |
| I met a hermit named Kermit McDermott with a learner’s permit |
| Curb swervin' in a purple Suburban, slurpin an urange sherbert |
| Eatin a turnip with the words «Dirty Dirty» written in cursive on his Burberry |
| turban |
| It was curtains |
| At the circus in Berkley, saw a turtle with a girdle, a squirrel with a curl |
| And the world’s biggest girl, Pearl |
| Urkel swirled in a circle on a dirty-ass burgundy Murray bike |
| I had some curry rice, a turkey burger and some curly fries |
| Tried to return some worthless merchandise to Circuit City |
| Customer service was certifiably shitty |
| Courtesy clerk was nervous, kinda twitchy |
| Had a dry-and-curl perm, reminded me of Lionel Richie |
| Someone blurted out («Burrrrrr!») |
| That’s when I turned around, observed |
| Truck Turner had the burner out and pointed at a surfer |
| Mr. Furley burst out the beauty purlor in curlers |
| And a security jersey, thermos full of Wild Turkey |