Testi Outburst004 - Manga Saint Hilare, Lewi B

Outburst004

They don’t get me, I don’t get them either
Feel like I don’t fit in anywhere, I don’t feature
Any of the plans and patterns, I can’t keep up
With the in ting or the out ting either
I’m in a class of my own, tryna learn new lessons
With no aids or peers or teacher
Too bad for the good youts, I was too good for the bad ones
I couldn’t really be around either
Time passed, reality coming at me fast
When I couldn’t even get no breather
Tryna get my thoughts together, wanna be better
But my insecurities teamed up
Oldest in my house, youngest in the crew
I had to learn to be a leader
I dived in too fast into a lot of things
It’s the curse of the hungry and eager
I had a big heart in this cruel, small world
Being colder, that made tings easier
Lost love and my bad luck wouldn’t ease up
I was married to the fuckery with no prenup
Couldn’t be no dead beat yout on the ends
Man, I swore to God I wouldn’t be one
Mum and Dad tryna pay these bills
I was more concerned that my creps were greased up
Should’ve been studying, I should’ve been saving
I was on sets, though, tryna get wheel-ups
Kinda went uni, sorta shot food
Done telesales, was a part-time cleaner
Nearly was a wasteman, I could’ve been a father
She wasn’t ready and I wasn’t either
All this time, man, everybody thinks that I’m gone
All 'cause of «When I’m 'Ere» and «Heat Up»
Oi, how wrong they were
How lost I was
I made her love me, then I got scared
Then I locked her off
She said I tried to break her 'cause I was broken
Yeah, I probably was
Look, I tried to be better, I had good intentions
I swear to God
I let things build up and I don’t share
They’re just in my songs
Take on everyone’s issues and ignore my own
I was all on my ones
I was tirelessly trying to find my tribe
'Cause I don’t belong
I was looking for things
That were right there around me, all along
How could I get this so wrong?
Look at all the fuckery that man ah dodged
How could I not know that I was blessed
When all the mandem were getting locked up?
People around me had tings worse
No excuse, I had to fix up
And now it’s all about growth
Can’t go back to who I once was
Cuh grime nearly killed me
And grime saved my life
Grime gave me an in
And grime kept me outside
I don’t ask for acceptance
I only ask for forgiveness
And hope that I grow strong enough
To remain myself at all times
Still don’t give one fuck about ends
Ends never gave no fucks about me
Certain quote unquote friends
Can’t spend time or come around me
And I’m thankful for the ones that I’ve kept
And all my loved ones that I don’t see
I don’t want no fake dons calling me family
My brother and my sister still don’t speak
Holding onto anger ain’t cool
You’ve got to get to know your niece
Don’t let things get too far
She just started walking last week
And to my brudda that’s going through bare tings
I pray that you find your peace
Don’t let all the anger consume you
You won’t be happy, you won’t be free
To all my exes I thought were the ones
I’m happy we met but weren’t meant to be
All the mistakes that we made together
I ain’t gonna do the same with my queen
I had to learn to let things go
Can’t help the things that weren’t meant for me
I can’t spend my time looking back
Cause I miss things that I’m yet to see
To anybody feels that they’re unheard
To everyone who feels that they ain’t seen
Don’t let your big heart get disheartened
Don’t ever discard your dreams
To all my overlooked outsiders
All them talented kings and queens
Don’t let the fact you were once lost
Make you scared to take the lead, believe
Don’t force it
Like, for real
Don’t force it
Don’t try and hang with bad mind people you don’t actually like
Don’t try and business with people that are, like, mad negative and you don’t
even like their energies
See that one person?
That one person that’s always tryna put you down when other people are around
Or make a joke out of your name
Or try and have a joke on your behalf, to feed their ego?
Dust them out
Having no friends isn’t a bad thing, you know?
Being comfortable with your own company isn’t a bad thing
Being an outsider just lets you see inside a little bit clearer
Not speaking too much lets you observe more
And the less you talk, the more people can assume
Some people talk too much
Irony, she says
But for real
People have too much to say
On Twitter, on Instagram, on Facebook, on Snapchat, on Instagram Story
And yes, I’m a hypocrite 'cause I like to give people my opinion
But I’m never giving people my opinion to put other people down, you understand?
Be secure in who you are as person
Walk into a room and be secure with who you are; your energies; your opinion;
your state of mind
That’s who you are
Don’t let other people tarnish it, it’s a waste of time
I promise you that
2017, I had to have a spring clean of all these people that like to be my
acquaintances
If I haven’t rang you in 2017, I don’t business with you no more
I am who I am and that’s my choice, not yours
JGrrey, to us, if you’re nasty