Testi 15 - Xana

15

School starts up again in about a week\nPicked up my books from the library\nHead full with romance and fantasy\nCould it be me?\nCaught eyes of one of the older guys\nAin't that the dream? Yeah I'm told it's nice\nIt might be love if I play it right\nAnd I can think of\n\n15 reasons why he\nWould wanna get to know me\nBut daddy said "There's only one"\nAnd it's hard times in times like these\nI want someone I can please\nJust let me make believe\nI'll give him everything\n\nAnd I did\nAnd he wasn't even grateful\nAlways treated me like a goddamn plateful\nHe's un-phased making me unstable\nI took off all of my clothes\nI cried the whole way home\nStill smiled at my mother\nWhat she don't know won't hurt her\nHe showed me love led to damage\nHow can everybody stand it?\nHe brought me to my knees\nIt's hard times in times like these\n\nI live alone in a haunted house\nI turned the mirrors all around\nCan't stand to face what he made me now\nAnd what's no longer\nTurned my wide eyes to bloody tears\nMissed out on Christmas and family cheer\nI can't recall my birthday that year\nBut I remember\n\n15 ways I said "No"\nAsked him to let me go\nI know it's all his fault\nWhy do I feel so wrong?\nIt's hard times in times like these\nI wake choking on my screams\nThen I tuck them in the drawer\n\nHe coulda taken more than he did\nSo I outta be grateful\nWouldn't ever think about it if I were able\nHe's unscathed while I'm unstable\nFlipping all these goddamn tables\nHopeless cause he'll never know his own betrayals\n\nI threw up on my way home\nLeft my shoes on his road\nStill smiled at my mother\nWhat she don't know won't hurt her\nHeld my girlhood door\nHe slammed it\nTook years to understand it\nStill brings me to my knees\n\nIt's hard times in times like these\nHe's picking fights and locks and forget me nots\nAnd I'm counting to ten in a parking lot\nI left myself in a lost and found box\nMaybe in the summer I can brush the dust off\nTicking slows, am I a ghost?\nHe said "This is how it goes"\nAll I ever wanted was the prove I'm worthy\nSuch a high price for the way he hurt me\n\nCouldn't ever understand\nAm I really that pretty when I'm deadpanned?\nI curse your name when my lovers reach out\nThere's one thing I can't talk about\nIt hurts again, can't call my friends\n\nThey rolled their eyes\nSaid I shoulda known better\nI can't live like this forever\nI can't live like this forever\nGaslight myself under circumstance\n"Did I make it all up? Was it really that bad?"\n\nI can't live like this forever\nI can't live like this forever\nI can't live like this forever\nI can't live like this forever\nI can't live like this forever\nI can't live like this forever\nI can't live like this forever\nI can't live like this forever\nI can't live like this forever\nI can't live like this forever\nI can't live like this forever\nI can't live like this forever\n