| Gosh, it disturbs me to see you Gaston |
| Looking so down in the dumps |
| Every guy here’d love to be you, Gaston |
| Even when taking your lumps |
| There’s no man in town as admired as you |
| You’re everyone’s favorite guy |
| Everyone’s awed and inspired by you |
| And it’s not very hard to see why |
| No one’s slick as Gaston |
| No one’s quick as Gaston |
| No one’s neck’s as incredibly thick as Gaston’s |
| For there’s no man in town half as manly |
| Perfect, a pure paragon |
| You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley |
| And they’ll tell you whose team they prefer to be on |
| Who play cards like Gaston? |
| Who break hearts like Gaston? |
| Who’s much more than the sum of his parts like Gaston? |
| As a specimen, yes, I’m intimidating |
| My, what a guy, that Gaston! |
| I needed encouragement |
| Thank you LeFou |
| Well, there’s no one as easy to bolster as you |
| Too much? |
| Yep |
| No one fights like Gaston |
| Douses lights like Gaston |
| In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston |
| When I hunt I sneak up with my quiver |
| And beasts of the field say a prayer |
| First I carefully aimed for the liver |
| And I shot from behind |
| Is that fair? |
| I don’t care |
| No one hits like Gaston |
| Matches wits like Gaston |
| In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston |
| I’m especially good at expectorating |
| Ten points for Gaston |
| When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs |
| Every morning to help me get large |
| And now that I’m grown I eat five dozen eggs |
| So I’m roughly the size of a barge |
| Who has brains like Gaston |
| Entertains like Gaston! |
| Who can make up these endless refrains like Gaston |
| I use antlers in all of my decorating |
| Say it again |
| Who’s the man among men |
| Who’s the super success |
| Don’t you know, can’t you guess? |
| Ask his fans and his five hangers-on |
| There’s just one guy in town, who’s got all of it down |
| And his name’s G-A-S-T |
| I believe there’s another T |
| It just occurred to me that I’m illiterate |
| And I’ve never actually have to spell it out loud before |
| Gaston! |