| I picked her up at the specified time
|
| I was dressed to the nines, and she looked sublime
|
| In a pink sequin dress, just a bit too tight
|
| And I was thinking this could be the night
|
| At the restaurant things were in full bloom
|
| She said she had to visit the ladies room
|
| It may have been just a visit, but I guess along the way
|
| She decided that she’d extend her stay
|
| Did she ever come back?
|
| No she never came back
|
| And the waiter was laughing as I paid the check
|
| We were going to go to the discotech
|
| Actually at that point, that whole discotech idea was pretty much off
|
| On my way out, though, I chanced to see
|
| A girl at the bar making eyes at me
|
| And I said to myself, «Self, this could be good
|
| We’ll exchange smiles, phone numbers, and maybe even fluids»
|
| So I bought her a drink, and I bought her two more
|
| And I asked for her number as she walked out her door
|
| She said, «555−5555
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| And I live at Number 5 Five Drive.»
|
| Was it really her number?
|
| No, it really was not
|
| And a is all I got
|
| When I tried to call it later on
|
| How’d the date end? |
| Badly
|
| How’d the date end? |
| Sadly
|
| It was not a Love Connection, no siree
|
| How’d the date end? |
| Terrible
|
| How’d the date end? |
| Unbearable
|
| But that’s not all, Chuck, as you will see
|
| I stumbled around 'til I found another bar
|
| Which was good because I couldn’t find my car
|
| I ordered a scotch and I drank it down
|
| And I did this several times 'til I lost count
|
| They picked me up where I’d fallen down
|
| I was read my rights and brought downtown
|
| I can’t remember very much
|
| But I think it’s safe to say that this date sucked
|
| How’d the date end? |
| Terrible
|
| How’d the date end? |
| Unbearable
|
| It was the worst thing that you ever saw
|
| How’d the date end? |
| Horrible
|
| How’d the date end? |
| Deplorable
|
| And now I’ve got a headache the size of Arkansas
|
| So Chuck, I don’t care who the audience picked
|
| I’d rather be killed with a big sharp stick
|
| I’ll stay on my own, it’s my natural state
|
| Whether or not I have a date |