| And I went to England. | 
| I spent a month there. | 
| I liked England. | 
| Everything’s different. | 
| I mean,
 | 
| that’s obvious, But some of The differences were cool. | 
| I like the money, The money- Instead of a
 | 
| dollar bill They have the pound coin. | 
| And it’s a coin and You throw it on the counter. | 
| It felt kind
 | 
| of cool. | 
| Like the old west. | 
| Like going on the-you know, Being on the dusty trail. | 
| You see a saloon,
 | 
| so you walk Over to it with your horse. | 
| You throw the rope Vaguely at the pole outside. | 
| That
 | 
| thing they do. | 
| It’s my whole life On that horse. | 
| Should be fine. | 
| Just… Walk in the saloon. | 
| “Give
 | 
| me a beer, The bottle of whiskey, “And a room for a week, “Steak dinner, shave And a haircut and
 | 
| a bath, “And some new clothes And a hat and some boots, And some oats for my horse, And a
 | 
| woman. | 
| ” Here you go. | 
| Ping. | 
| That’s all. | 
| One heavy coin. | 
| You’re fine. | 
| Nobody adds up all those
 | 
| things You mentioned. | 
| They don’t check To see what coin it was. | 
| The guy just keeps Drying the
 | 
| glass. | 
| Things were very vague Back then. | 
| Things just cost money. | 
| “Hey, how much is that?”
 | 
| “Money.” | 
| In the old english movies, It was different. | 
| It was a little sack of coins. | 
| Remember that little Drawstring sack Tossed over By some faggy lord With a ruffled shirt. | 
| Throw it disdainfully
 | 
| down To some commoner Who’s gonna do something Beneath his station. | 
| “Follow the girl and
 | 
| report Back to me at midnight. | 
| “Bring a shovel and a sack “And two reliable men Such as
 | 
| yourselves. | 
| “Oh, what’s that? | 
| Oh, yes, of course. | 
| Well, This ought to be sufficient. | 
| ” Meh, just-
 | 
| shink. | 
| “Oh, thank you, sir. | 
| ” The guy’s so happy To get a general amount of some kind of currency
 | 
| or another. | 
| He didn’t, like, count it. | 
| Like, “I think you only gave me Enough for the shovel. | 
| There’s
 | 
| not enough there. | 
| “
 | 
| That was a good time In our economy, When you needed to have gold To buy shit. | 
| We might be
 | 
| going back to that Pretty soon too. | 
| Things are pretty fucked up. | 
| People are a little bit scared. | 
| But
 | 
| you know what? | 
| How bad could it really get? | 
| I mean, most Americans Have so much crap You
 | 
| could lose most of it And still be- Have more shit Than the average Canadian, Even. | 
| Like, we’re
 | 
| the fattest People in the world, And we just have All this shit, And we hate it. | 
| We’re just
 | 
| miserable With our phones. | 
| “Fucking… ” Just angry all the time. | 
| And I worry about The economy
 | 
| failing, Because we don’t- We can’t even- We’re miserable With a great life. | 
| Like, I don’t know
 | 
| How the fuck We’re gonna deal with, like, When you got to move your mom Into the cellar and
 | 
| shit And, like, have, like, Serious problems. | 
| Because we have, like- Up till now, We have white-
 | 
| We have white people problems In America, That’s what we have. | 
| White people problems. | 
| You
 | 
| know what that is? | 
| That’s where your life Is amazing, So you just make shit up To be upset about.
 | 
| People in other countries Have real problems. | 
| Like, “oh, shit, They’re cutting off All our heads
 | 
| today. | 
| ” Things like that. | 
| Here we make shit up To be upset about. | 
| “Like, how come I have to
 | 
| choose A language on the ATM machine? | 
| It’s bullshit. | 
| ” “I shouldn’t have to do that. | 
| I’m
 | 
| American. | 
| ” God, the shit We bitch about. | 
| I called American Airlines, And I got a xstani lady. | 
| And
 | 
| she was in Pakistan. | 
| Only people near my fat, White body should have jobs. | 
| I’ll tell you what,
 | 
| though. | 
| When I call American Airlines And I get the Pakistani lady, I hang up and I call again. | 
| I do.
 | 
| I’m gonna tell you honestly. | 
| And it’s not because I don’t like her, And it’s not because She doesn’t
 | 
| speak English, ‘Cause she speaks Way better than I do. | 
| She’s just a better person. | 
| It’s so clear.
 | 
| And I know-here’s why I don’t like talking to her. | 
| ‘Cause I know she doesn’t Give a shit About me
 | 
| and My white people problems. | 
| I want to talk To the lady from Texas, Who’s- “Well, how can I
 | 
| help you?” | 
| That’s the lady I want. | 
| I just know when I- “Hello, American-” “Oh, fuck. | 
| You don’t
 | 
| care. | 
| ” There’s no way. | 
| Why would you? | 
| I’m in my underwear. | 
| “Hi, I have a layover In Dallas that’s
 | 
| really long, And I was wondering if-” And she’s like, “Oh, really? | 
| “I haven’t had a clean glass of
 | 
| water in ten years, okay? | 
| “Two of my kids Died this morning. | 
| “I still came to work, You fat shit. | 
| “I
 | 
| can hear your fat Over the phone. | 
| Why don’t you hang up And kill yourself?” | 
| Why would she
 | 
| care? | 
| But we just-God. | 
| Standing at the ATM. | 
| “I can’t believe They make me go like this. | 
| Stupid.”
 | 
| What the fuck Are you complaining about? | 
| You push a button and money Comes out a fucking
 | 
| slot. | 
| It didn’t used to be that way. | 
| When I was younger, You had to go in the bank. | 
| Remember
 | 
| that? | 
| You had to go inside the bank. | 
| Now you look in the bank, You’re like, “what are those
 | 
| People doing in there? | 
| Are they cleaning? | 
| The money’s out here.” |