| Unknown
|
| Miscellaneous
|
| Railroad Bill And The Kitten
|
| Railroad Bill and the Kitten
|
| SOURCE: Bob Pfeffer
|
| SOURCE’S SOURCE: Andy Breckman
|
| TEXT:
|
| Railroad Bill was a hard livin' man
|
| He used to take his women two at a time
|
| Everyone agreed he was the baddest engineer
|
| That’d ever driven down the Santa Fe line
|
| His name was known from the folks back home
|
| To the tippy-top of telegraph hill
|
| And all the little boys, when they were sneakin' cigarettes
|
| They used to dream about the Railroad Bill
|
| [SPOKEN: Stay with me here
|
| One day Bill was walkin' along
|
| And he saw a kitten stuck in a tree
|
| When he saw what was the matter he ran to get a ladder
|
| To set that kitty-cat free
|
| And Bill said, «No, ain’t gonna do it
|
| Ain’t gonna climb up no tree
|
| This is a stupid, stupid song and no folksinger’s
|
| Gonna make a fool outa me.»
|
| I said, one day Bill was walkin' along
|
| And he saw a kitten stuck in a tree
|
| When he saw what was the matter he ran to get a ladder
|
| To set that kitty-cat free
|
| And Bill said, «No, ain’t gonna do it
|
| Ain’t gonna do what you said
|
| This is an asinine song. |
| As far as I’m concerned
|
| That cat can stay there till it’s dead.»
|
| I said, wait a minute, Bill, you can’t argue with me
|
| For God’s sake, I just made you up
|
| I got the pen in my hand, I want you up in that tree
|
| I want that cat unstuck
|
| Bill said, «No, I hate cats
|
| Ain’t gonna climb for no cat.»
|
| He said, «Why don’t you have me save some beautiful girl
|
| Whos’s been tied down on the railroad track?»
|
| I said maybe there’ll be room in the eighth or ninth verse
|
| But right now I want you up in that tree
|
| I’m the writer, God damn, I got the pen in my hand
|
| And you’re supposed to listen to me
|
| He said, «You asshole. |
| Why should I listen to you
|
| You should be listenin' to me instead.»
|
| He said, «I'm a railroad man and if I was real
|
| I would separate your face from your head.»
|
| You ungrateful brute, I cried, you push me too far
|
| I gotta show you I can do as I please
|
| So an earthquake came and it shook the whole terrain
|
| And it brought Railroad Bill to his knees
|
| And then a tidal wave broke and everything got soaked
|
| And Bill was almost completely washed away
|
| And then a big green monster from the planet Neptune
|
| Landed and bit Railroad Bill on the leg
|
| I got the pen in my hand. |
| I can do what I want
|
| I’m a bright new young talent on the rise
|
| So get your ass up that tree or I swear you ain’t
|
| Gonna get outa my folksong alive
|
| He said, «You don’t scare me.
|
| You might be crazy but you don’t scare me
|
| And if you don’t leave me alone I’m gonna tell everybody
|
| Where you stole this melody.»
|
| But before he could speak his tongue fell out
|
| And he could not make a sound
|
| Suddenly he jumped on top of me and he grabbed me by the neck
|
| And he pulled me to the ground
|
| And he hit me in the stomach, and he hit me in the face real hard
|
| And I think he almost broke my nose
|
| But just then a lightning bolt came outa nowhere, hit him right between the
|
| [eyes
|
| And killed him instantly
|
| [Heh, heh
|
| Well the cat came down from the tree
|
| Had a bowl of warm milk, went to sleep for the night
|
| Railroad Bill is survived by a wife and three small children
|
| Dear God, I love to write
|
| @outlaw @animal
|
| filename[ RRBILLKT
|
| RPf
|
| ===DOCUMENT BOUNDARY=== |