| A boring old garage in a residential area with a teen-age band rehearsing in it. |
| JOE (the main character in the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER'S Special Presentation) sings to us of the trials and tribulations of garage-band husbandry...
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| We take you now, to a garage, in Canoga Park...
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| (It makes its own sauce...)
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| It wasn't very large
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| There was just enough room to cram the drums
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| In the corner over by the Dodge
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| It was a fifty-four
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| With a mashed up door
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| And a cheesy little amp
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| With a sign on the front said "Fender Champ"
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| And a second hand guitar
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| It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar
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| At this point, LARRY (a guy who will eventually give up music and earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called Toad-O) joins in the song...
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| We could jam in Joe's Garage
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| His mama was screamin'
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| His dad was mad
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| We was playin' the same old song
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| In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
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| Play it all night long
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| It was all we knew, 'n' easy too
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| So we wouldn't get it wrong
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| All we did was bend the string like...
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| Hey!
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| Down in Joe's Garage
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| We didn't have no dope or LSD
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| But a coupla quarts'a beer
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| Would fix it so the intonation
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| Would not offend your ear
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| And the same old chords goin' over 'n' over
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| Became a symphony
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| We would play it again 'n' again 'n' again
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| Cause it sounded good to me
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| One more time!
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| We could jam in Joe's Garage
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| His mama was screaming
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| "Turn it down!"
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| We was playing' the same old song
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| In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
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| Play it all night long
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| It was all we knew, and easy too
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| So we wouldn't get it wrong
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| Even if you played it on the saxophone
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| We thought we was pretty good
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| We talked about keepin' the band together
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| 'N' we figured that we should
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| Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
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| From the girls in the neighborhood
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| They'd all come over 'n' dance around
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| Like...
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| (Twenty teen-age girls dash
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| In and go STOMP-CLAP
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| STOMP-CLAP-CLAP...)
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| So we picked out a stupid name
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| Had some cards printed up for a couple 'a bucks
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| 'N' we was on our way to fame
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| Got matching suits 'N' Beatle Boots
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| 'N' a sign on the back of the car
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| 'N' we was ready to work in a Go-Go bar
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| One, two, three, four
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| Let's see if you got some more!
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| People seemed to like our song
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| They got up 'n' danced 'n' made a lotta noise
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| An' it wasn't 'fore very long
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| A guy from a company we can't name
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| Said we ought'a take his pen
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| 'N' sign on the line for a real good time
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| But he didn't tell us when
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| These "good times" would be somethin'
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| That was really happenin'
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| So the band broke up
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| An' it looks like
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| We will never play again
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| Guess you only get one chance in life
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| To play a song that goes like...
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| *And, as the band plays their little song
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| MRS. |
| BORG (who keeps her son SY
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| In the closet with the vacuum cleaner)
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| Screams out the window...*
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| Turn it down!
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| Turn it DOWN!
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| I have children sleeping here...
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| Don't you boys know any nice songs?
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| Well the years was rollin' by, yeah
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| Heavy Metal 'n' Glitter Rock
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| Had caught the public eye, yeah
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| Snotty boys with lipstick on
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| Was really flyin' high, yeah
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| 'N' then they got that Disco thing
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| 'N' New Wave came along
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| 'N' all of a sudden I thought the time
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| Had come for that old song
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| We used to play in "Joe's Garage"
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| And if I am not wrong
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| You will soon be dancin' to the-
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| The White Zone is for loading and unloading only
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| If you gotta load or unload, go to the White Zone
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| Well the years was rollin' by
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| The years were rollin' by (I'm calling the police!)
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| The years were rollin' by
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| The years were rollin' by (I did it! They'll be here, shortly!)
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| The years were rollin' by (This is the police...)
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| (I'm not joking around anymore!)
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| The years was rollin' by (We have the garage surrounded)
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| (Give yourself up)
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| (We will not harm you, or hurt you neither)
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| The years were rollin' by
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| You'll see them, there they are, they're coming!)
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| (This is the police)
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| The years were rollin' by
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| (Give yourself up)
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| (We will not harm you)
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| (Listen to that mess, would you?)
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| (This is the police, give yourself up)
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| (We have the garage surrounded!)
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| (Everyday this goes on around here!)
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| The years were rollin' by
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| (We will not harm you, or maim you)
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| The years were rollin' by
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| (SWAT Team 4, move in!)
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| (He used to cut my grass! He was a very nice boy!)
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| (This is the police, come out with your hands up!)
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| (That's disgusting...)
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| This is the Central Scrutinizer...
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| That was Joe's first confrontation with "The Law"...
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| Naturally, we were easy on him
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| One of our friendly counsellors gave him a donut
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| And told him to stick closer
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| To church-oriented social activities... |