| I got Persian rugs |
| I got exterminated bugs |
| I got a house that goes from over there to here |
| Yeah, my basement’s full of fine imported beer |
| But I got somethin' -- somethin' in my ear |
| I got ducks that float |
| I got a power boat |
| I got a wife who’s almost got her MBA |
| In every argument I always get my way |
| But when I walk my dog, he always runs away |
| One inch away from heaven |
| I’m on a train that’s bound for glory |
| But as I ride those shining rails |
| I always bite my nails |
| I got tubeless tires |
| I got phones without wires |
| I got a hundred-year-old bonsai redwood tree |
| I’ve had successful arthroscopic surgery (on his knee) |
| But last Friday a pigeon pooped on me |
| One inch away from heaven |
| I’ve almost made it to Nirvana |
| It’s the little things that teach |
| Perfection’s out of reach |
| I got a way with girls |
| I got natural curls |
| I got a straight man when I want to take a fall |
| There’s an autographed photo of the Pope on my wall |
| But when I phone him, he never returns my call |
| But when I phone him, he never returns my call |
| But when I phone that Pope, he never returns |
| My call (Pope John Paul) |