| Lemme tell you a little story
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| About a man named Johnny Tarr
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| He was a hard drinking son of a preacher
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| Always at the bar
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| Lager from the tap
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| Or shots of Paddy from the shelf
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| He could open his throttle
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| And throw back a bottle
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| As quick as the Devil himself, Johnny Tarr
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| And the word got around
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| That Johnny Tarr was no pretender
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| From Claire to here they’d lock up the beer
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| When Johnny went on a bender
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| Down at Dickey Mack’s
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| The Rising Sun, or at the Swan
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| He was drinking at seven, by ten to eleven
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| Well, all the booze would be gone, Johnny Tarr
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| And even if you saw it yourself, you wouldn’t believe it
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| But I wouldn’t trust a person like me, if I were you
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| Sure I wasn’t there, I swear I have an alibi
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| I heard it from a man who knows a fella who says it’s true
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| It was nine in the morning
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| On a cold and rainy night
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| Johnny rolled into the Castle Bar
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| Looking to get tight
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| He had money in his pocket
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| He had whiskey in his eye
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| He said, «Get up off your asses
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| And set up the glasses
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| I’m drinking this place dry»
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| Now all the serious boozers
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| They were soon broken hearted
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| When Johnny finished off six
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| And he was only getting started
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| Guzzling down the pints
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| Knockin' em back like candy
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| He was lookin' alright to be drinkin' all night
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| Then Nora brought out the brandy, Johnny Tarr
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| And even if you saw it yourself, you wouldn’t believe it
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| But I wouldn’t trust a person like me, if I were you
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| Sure I wasn’t there, I swear I have an alibi
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| I heard it from a man who knows a fella who says it’s true
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| Johnny drank the whole damn bottle
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| Had another pint or two
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| When it made no impression
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| He started a session with Murphy’s Millennium Brew
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| He was waiting for his pint
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| When his face turned green
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| Jesus, Johnny fell down
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| After only fifteen
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| And you could’ve heard a pin drop
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| Then the crowd let out a roar
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| It took five Cork women
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| To lift Johnny off the floor
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| The doctor looked him over
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| And said, «Better call the hearse
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| But it’s not what you’re thinkin'
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| It wasn’t the drinkin' this man died of thirst» Johnny Tarr
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| And even if you saw it yourself, you wouldn’t believe it
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| But I wouldn’t trust a person like me, if I were you
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| Sure I wasn’t there, I swear I have an alibi
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| I heard it from a man who knows a fella who says it’s true
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| And even if you saw it yourself, you wouldn’t believe it
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| But I wouldn’t trust a person like me, if I were you
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| Sure I wasn’t there, I swear I have an alibi
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| I heard it from a man who knows a fella who says it’s true |