| Now, Sheriff Fatman started out | 
| In business, a granny farmer | 
| He was infamous for fifteen minutes | 
| And he appeared on Panorama | 
| But then he somehow got himself on board | 
| The Starship Enterprise Allowance Scheme | 
| With a Prince of Wales award | 
| For pushing Valium and amphetamines | 
| Moving up onto second base | 
| Behind Nicholas Van Wotsisface | 
| Six foot six and a hundred tons | 
| The undisputed king of the slum | 
| More aliases than Klaus Barbie | 
| The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea | 
| Just about to take the stage | 
| The one and only, hold the front page | 
| Fatman’s got something to sell | 
| To the capitol’s homeless | 
| At the Crossroads Hotel | 
| For the no-fixed-abodeless | 
| Where you can live life in style | 
| You can sleep in a closet | 
| And if you flash him a smile | 
| He’ll take your teeth as deposit | 
| There’s bats in the belfry | 
| The windows are jammed | 
| The toilets ain’t healthy | 
| And he don’t give a damn | 
| He just chuckles and smiles | 
| Laughs like a madman | 
| Born again Rachman | 
| Here comes Sheriff Fatman | 
| With his Valium, amphetamines | 
| His sick notes and his phony prescriptions | 
| And just when you thought it was safe | 
| To go back into kitchen | 
| Dead legs and cracked heads | 
| Bunk-beds and breakfasts | 
| Hey, hey, hey, cherish one | 
| Moving up onto second base | 
| Behind Nicholas Van Wotsisface | 
| Six foot six and a hundred tons | 
| The undisputed king of slums | 
| More aliases than Klaus Barbie | 
| The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea | 
| Just about to take the stage | 
| The one and only, hold the front page | 
| Moving up now to take the place | 
| Of Nicholas Van Wotsisface | 
| Six foot six and a hundred tons | 
| The undisputed king of the slums | 
| With more aliases than Klaus Barbie | 
| The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea | 
| In a hatchback from Notre Dame | 
| The one and only Sheriff Fatman | 
| In goes another left hook and now I’m losing my patience | 
| Someone call up Roger Cook and the United Nations | 
| He’s buying up houses for the has beens and helping | 
| From Lands End to South end to Chelsea | 
| There’s bats in the belfry | 
| The windows are jammed | 
| The toilets ain’t healthy | 
| He don’t give a damn | 
| He just chuckles and smiles | 
| Laughs like a madman | 
| Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Sheriff Fatman | 
| Sheriff Fatman, Sheriff Fatman, Sheriff Fatman, brainchumps |