| These are your orders, seems like it’s do it or die
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| So please read them closely
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| When you’ve learnt them be sure that you eat them up
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| They’re specially flavoured with burgundy, Tizer and rye
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| Twelve sheets of foolscap, don’t ask me why
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| We hit the jungle just as it starts to monsoon
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| Our maps showed no rainfall
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| All the boys were depressed by this circumstance
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| Trust in the weather to bless agricultural man
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| Who gives birth to more farmhands, don’t ask me why
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| Fifteen was chosen because he was dumb
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| Seven because he was blind
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| I got the job because I was so mean
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| While somehow appearing so kind
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| Drifting about through the cauliflower trees
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| With a cauliflower ear for the birds
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| The Squadron assembled what senses they had
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| And this is the sound that they heard
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| Back at headquarters khaki decisions are made
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| File under 'Futile', that should give you its main point of reference
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| It’s all so confusing, what with pythons and then deadly flies
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| But to them it’s a picnic, don’t ask me why
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| Thirteen was chosen because of his luck
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| Eleven because of his feet
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| One got signed up for exceptional pluck
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| Another because he was mute
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| Roaming about through the gelatin swamps
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| With a gelatin eye on the stripes
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| The Squadron assembled what senses they had
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| And this is the sound that they heard
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| Back in Blighty there was you
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| There were milkmen every morning
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| But these endless shiny trees
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| Never used to be that way |