| FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, the name of this song singles how we are CONFRONTED
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| with a partial, how shall we say, language barrier here, we don’t wanna press
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| the issue too much folks, but, the chances of you figuring out what he’s going
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| to say during this song are NIL. |
| So what we’re gonna do is: We’re gonna play
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| this instrumental tune, see, that starts off real easy, you know,
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| it’s very light, and then builds up to an orgasmic frenzy a little bit later
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| on. |
| Hey, I knew you’d enjoy that. |
| Some service men here in the audience tonight,
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| I’m sure. |
| This song, we’re gonna start off so light that George doesn’t even
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| know about it — get your finger cymbal, George…
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| George: Yeahm…
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| FZ: Whoops! |
| The name of this song, folks, is «Dupree's Paradise».
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| It always starts off with George playing the finger cymbal. |
| He hits it with a
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| little stick and then, when nobody expects it, he hits his finger and hurts
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| himself!
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| George: Aaaah!
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| FZ: Do it again, George!
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| George: Ooh, ah-hm-ugh…
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| FZ: Yes! |
| More, George!
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| Napoleon: Don’t hurt me, Dupree! |
| Don’t hurt me, Dupree!
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| FZ: Hurt yourself, George!
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| George: unusual last night
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| FZ: Pain, George!
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| George: Ooof!
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| FZ: Oh! |
| That’s it! |
| That’s it!
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| Napoleon: Don’t hurt me, Dupree! |
| Don’t hurt me, Dupree!
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| FZ: Yes, now build them up to a frenzy! |
| Hurt yourself again, George!
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| George: Ouch! |
| Mmpf!
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| FZ: Play the piano, George!
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| Guy from the audience: Thank you so much!
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| FZ: The Modest Mussorgsky Songbook presents…
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| George: Come back here!
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| George: And then it happened! |
| Don’t know what it was… I could hear it comin'.
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| . |
| next door… It was a bass player playin'. |
| What was he doin'? |
| He sounded
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| funny to me, though… What’s this fool playin' at eight o’clock in the mornin'?
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| I was tryin' to sleep and this fool next door playin' his thing and all night
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| long Ruth was talkin' 'bout… heh-heh heh-heh… I can’t get no sleep at all,
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| ladies comin' out in the hall talkin' 'bout… SHUT THAT TAPE RECORDER OFF!
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| You know it’s true!
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| FZ: Rikki, don’t lose that number… You don’t wanna lose that number, Rikki…
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| Hey Ruth, d’you have any Suzi Quatro cassettes?
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| George: I said, «Ruth, tell Ian to quit playin' the bass clarinet.
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| «But she said, «I like it! |
| Well, specially when it’s close to me.
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| «She said she likes to feel the vibrations next to her, er, uh…
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| I said, «Well, what does he do?» |
| And she, and she said, «He plays that…
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| and then, and, and, and, and, and then it, ah, ah…»
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| FZ: «Harlem Nocturne,» take one
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| George: «Ah, ah, he breaks, he breaks into a chorus of…» I said, «Good God!
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| «I said, «But, but, there’s such a thing as (come back on here) boogie.
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| «And, we do that in Montana. |
| And, er, uh… heh-heh… he goes like this,
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| heh-heh-heh, y’all, it’s crazy!
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| FZ: Excuse me, ah… ah, excuse me, Yankee dog? |
| Ah, Amerikanisches Schwein?
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| Excuse me, would you mind opening your suitcase, please?
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| Napoleon: Jawohl! |
| I am from immigration…
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| FZ: Yeah!
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| Napoleon: What country are you from?
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| FZ: Ah, would you please explain to me what you’re doing with these towels in
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| your suitcase?
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| Napoleon: Towels? |
| What towels? |
| Oh, you see, you understand, you see, I… I…
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| FZ: Don’t tell me the same thing that Suzy Cohen told me the last time she came
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| into this country. |
| Don’t tell me that the hotel said, «Please, take these back!
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| Take these back with you!»
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| Napoleon: We tried to pay for them! |
| We tried to offer them money…
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| FZ: Don’t tell me you tried to pay for the towels!
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| Napoleon: We offered them, ah, marks, we offered them, ah…
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| FZ: No… You Americans simply cannot be trusted
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| Napoleon: Quatro
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| FZ: And it won’t do you any good to call Herb, either!
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| Napoleon: We offered them, ah…
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| FZ: You are under arrest. |
| Hands up!
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| Napoleon: No! |
| Not in this country! |
| If I dance would you let me go?
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| FZ: Later that night… the towels… the mysterious towels… the towels of
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| destiny… Suzy’s towels… |