| Tom Cruise is so in love with Katie
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| At least all his people tell him so
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| And while he thinks that she’s a very special lady
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| It’s probably not the way he’d choose to go
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| But a lifetime of longing looks
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| Would cause too much distraction
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| Good thing that he’s not gay anymore
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| Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy
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| Just be glad it’s him, not you
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| If you had Tom Cruise’s troubles
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| You might be Tom Cruise crazy, too
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| You’d flash your big white shiny smile
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| And buy expensive shoes
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| But you’d be the only man on Earth
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| Who couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise, oh no
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| You couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise
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| Tom Cruise is always getting older
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| He knows he’ll never be that young again
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| And when Tom Cruise looks back over his shoulder
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| He sees a thousand younger leading men
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| He knows someday he’ll have to play
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| An old, retarded grandpa
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| While someone younger plays his sexy son
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| Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy
|
| Just be glad it’s him, not you
|
| If you had Tom Cruise’s troubles
|
| You might be Tom Cruise crazy, too
|
| You’d flash your big white shiny smile
|
| And buy expensive shoes
|
| But you’d be the only man on Earth
|
| Who couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise, oh no
|
| You couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise
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| Tom Cruise hopes somewhere there’s a place for him
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| Because he’s not of this world anymore
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| Somewhere in some secluded castle
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| Poor Tom Cruise sits staring at the wall
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| And the outside world is always such a hassle
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| Sometimes he won’t go out at all
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| There are millions who know his name
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| Everybody loves him
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| Why is it that he feels so alone?
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| Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy
|
| Just be glad it’s him, not you
|
| If you had Tom Cruise’s troubles
|
| You might be Tom Cruise crazy, too
|
| You’d flash your big white shiny smile
|
| And buy expensive shoes
|
| But you’d be the only man on Earth
|
| Who couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise, oh no
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| You couldn’t enjoy Tom Cruise |