| I arrived in Calgary today at maybe 6 PM
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| I walked the streets, and I walked, and I walked, and I couldn’t find a single
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| thing to take a photo of
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| Until I saw a bird that looked like a cross between a robin and a blue jay
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| With a long, sleek, shoehorn-shaped blue-black tail
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| I tried to get close enough to take a photo but he trotted away quickly
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| He was a big bird, but light as a quail on his feet
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| He wasn’t gonna try to fly away on account of me
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| But fuck if he was gonna let me invade his personal space
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| I have no idea what kind of bird he was and I’m not gonna try to Google him
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| Because I can tell he’s not the type who wants to be Googled
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| He’s here to enjoy the moment, not the social media type
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| He’s not looking for validation, he minds his own business
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| That bird was the only sign of animal life I saw today
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| Before dinner, I asked the woman at the front desk for restaurant advice
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| And she recommended a bar a block away that had snacks
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| I said, «Thanks, but I’m not looking for a bar, I’m looking for a restaurant»
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| She then recommended another bar that also happened to have food
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| Does Canada assume that everybody in the entire world prioritizes alcohol over
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| food?
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| I don’t mean this in a mean way, I observe for a living
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| I’m just curious is all, I’m not being judgemental
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| Then she told me about a dim sum place nearby called Two Penny
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| I don’t know what was going on in that dim sum place but the two waitresses
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| there were really nice to me
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| Like I was Leonardo DiCaprio or something
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| One recommended a variety of dishes and I asked for iced tea
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| She said, «Well, you’re American, so I should let you know that the iced tea
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| here is sweetened»
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| I said, «Aw man, I’m 52, I’ll end up with a bad headache if I drink sweetened
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| tea
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| I might even have a heart attack
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| I’ll have some sparkling water, thanks»
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| The waitresses were asking how long I was gonna be in town
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| Then recommended various places where I could go get bottled water and fruits
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| and vegetables for my two-night stay
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| One said, «Go to this place on that street»
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| The other said, «No, try that place on this street»
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| I said, «This is nice of both of you, but I’m not from here, so I don’t know
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| the streets
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| Please just tell me one place»
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| They told me about a place that had the word «sun» in it
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| And I walked in that direction but I never found it
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| But I did find a 7/11 and I got bottled water and oranges
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| I couldn’t sleep when I went back there at about 11 PM
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| I got a hot dog with no bread because I’m told I gotta cut back on carbs
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| I used to look like Mark Kozelek, now I look like one of those from Lost Lovers
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| Don’t laugh, it could happen to you
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| On my way back, I was having a cigarette outside the hotel on an empty lifeless
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| street
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| And this homeless guy came up to me slowly
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| His knees were all fucked up, mumbling
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| Tossing some white tube thing from one of his hands to the other
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| He said something about, «The British press won’t talk to me»
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| I said, «That's funny, we have something in common
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| They won’t talk to me either»
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| He kept mumbling under his breath, fidgeting. |
| he couldn’t stand still
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| I couldn’t understand him, but I said, «What's wrong?» |