Testi Todd the T1000 - Jonathan Coulton

Todd the T1000

Sometimes I kind of miss the old XJ-9 that we used to call Jane\nReally good at cleaning and we got along fine so I couldn’t complain\nLately she’d been getting tangled up in the shag rug\nAnd finally one wheel just wouldn’t spin\nSo we said our goodbyes and I traded her in\nThis new one’s kind of creepy, makes me shudder inside with his idiot grin\nHe’s head to toe with muscles and they ripple and slide under translucent skin\nSometimes he’ll stand for hours looking into the mirror\nAnd flexing like some guy at the gym\nAnd I’m easily ten inches shorter than him\nTodd the T1000 scares me\nI don’t think he knows I’ve got a right to exist\nAnd he sits in my favorite chair and dares me\nAnd when I look over he is making a fist\nOne finger at a time\nI ask him if he’ll vacuum and he doesn’t respond, but I know that he heard\nI turn and catch him looking when he thinks that I’m gone and he flips me the\nbird\nI asked him when we started, please stay out of the bedroom\nBut I don’t think I’m safe anywhere\nWhen I wake in the dark I can tell that he’s there\nTodd the T1000 scares me\nI don’t think he knows I’ve got a right to exist\nAnd he sits in my favorite chair and dares me\nAnd when I look over he is making a fist\nOne finger at a time\nSo I live like a ghost while he’s living like me\nIt’s not my house anymore\nAnd I sneak out the door while he’s watching TV\nHead down to the cyborg store\nI get some new arms installed at the store\nBuy the biggest ones I can\nHead back to my house, Todd answers the door\nHe sees more than just a man\nMy right arm is a smasher like the trunk of a tree and the left one’s a saw\nI cut the couch in half and I smash the TV with my big smashy claw\nHe’s standing still and silent, I can’t tell what he’s thinking\nHe blinks a single glowing red eye\nSo I give him a shove and then Todd starts to cry\nTodd the T1000 scares me\nBut I think he knows I’ve got right to exist\nAnd he sits in my favorite chair and dares me\nBut when he looks over I am making a fist\nOne finger at a time