| It was raining, it was cold
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| West Bethlehem was no place for a twelve-year old
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| So he packed his bag and he headed out
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| To find out what the world’s about
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| He went to France and went to Spain
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| He found love and he found pain
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| He found stores, so he started to shop
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| He had no money, so he got in trouble with a cop
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| Kids in trouble with the cops from Israel didn’t have no home
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| So he cut his hair and moved to Rome
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| It was there, he met his Irish bride
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| And they rented a flat on the lower east side of Rome
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| Italy, that is
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| Music publishers, book binders
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| Bible belters, swimming pools
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| Orgies, and lots of pretty Italian chicks
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| Charlie bought some popcorn, Billy bought a car
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| Someone almost bought the farm, but they didn’t go that far
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| Things shut down at midnight, at least round here they do
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| 'Cause we all reside down the block inside 23 Skidoo
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| Wine was flowing, so were beers
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| So Jesus found his missing years
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| He went to a dance and said, «This don’t move me»
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| He hiked up his pants and he went to a movie
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| On his thirteenth birthday, he saw Rebel Without A Cause
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| He went straight on home and invented Santa Claus
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| Who gave him a gift and he responded in kind
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| He gave the gift of love and went out of his mind
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| You see, him and the wife wasn’t getting along
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| So he took out his guitar and he wrote a song
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| Called 'The Dove Of Love Fell Off The Perch'
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| But he couldn’t get divorced in the Catholic Church
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| At least not back then, anyhow
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| Jesus was a good guy
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| He didn’t need this shit
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| So he took a pill with a Coca-Cola
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| And he swallowed it
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| He discovered the Beatles
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| And he recorded with The Stones
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| Once he even opened up a three-way package
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| For old George Jones
|
| Charlie bought some popcorn, Billy bought a car
|
| Someone almost bought the farm, but they didn’t go that far
|
| Things shut down at midnight, at least round here they do
|
| 'Cause we all reside down the block inside of 23 Skidoo
|
| The years went by like sweet little days
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| With babies crying pork chops and Beaujolais
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| When he woke up, he was seventeen
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| The world was angry, the world was mean
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| Why, the man down the street and the kid on the stoop
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| All agreed that life stank, all the world smelled like poop
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| Baby poop, that is
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| The worst kind
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| So he grew his hair long and he threw away his comb
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| Headed back to Jerusalem to find Mom and Dad and home
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| But when he got there, the cupboard was bare
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| Except for an old black man with a fishing rod
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| He said, «What you gonna be when you grow up?»
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| Jesus said, «God»
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| Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into?
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| I’m a human corkscrew and all my wine is blood
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| They’re gonna kill me, Mama, they don’t like me, Bud
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| So Jesus went to Heaven, he went there awful quick
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| All them people killed him, he wasn’t even sick
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| So, come and gather around me, my contemporary peers
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| And I’ll tell you all the story of Jesus: The Missing Years
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| Charlie bought some popcorn, Billy bought a car
|
| Someone almost bought the farm, but they didn’t go that far
|
| Things shut down at midnight, at least round here they do
|
| 'Cause we all reside down the block inside at 23 Skidoo |