| Well you say you just got married and your husband is a jewel
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| Graduated summa cum laude from a big north eastern school
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| Has a doctorate in Physics and a masters in Phys Ed
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| Was the captain of the football team, there’s not a book he hasn’t read
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| Well sure, but can he: ee-ah-ee-ooh, and can he play the spoons?
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| Make music with his armpits, little animals from balloons?
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| Can he whistle Dixie while eating crackers and covering one eye?
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| Can he love you half as much as I?
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| He’s climbing the corporate ladder, in business he’s a gem
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| General Motors never had a vice president as young as him
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| You say he wrote a computer program that saved 8 million bucks
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| And found a way to cut the cost on all their cars and trucks
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| Big deal, huh, can he: ee-ah-ee-ooh, and does he have my charms?
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| Can he wiggle his ears, juggle of beers and make a frog in your arms?
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| I bet he can’t do this no matter how hard he tries
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| Can he love you half as much as I?
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| You brag how he’s so cultured, how he sculptures and he writes
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| But did you know that now I go to culture classes every night?
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| I’m a devote and connoisseur of black velveteen art
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| I have a painting of Rambo that glows in the dark
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| So he makes 200,000 per and can press 300 pounds
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| So he drives a red Ferrari and lives on the snooty side of town
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| So you’re gonna sail around the world on his tacky gaudy yacht
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| So he spends vacations working with Mother Theresa in India, so what
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| That kind of superficiality can wear pretty thin
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| I just wanna know, can he: ee-ah-ee-ooh, and can he play the spoons?
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| Make music with his armpits, little animals from balloons?
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| Can he whistle Dixie while eating crackers and covering one eye?
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| Can he love you half as much
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| Does he have my charm, does he have my touch?
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| Can he love you half as much as I? |