| It was during my 2nd senior year when Mom found Jesus Christ. |
| His
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| spirit was trapped inside an old Nana Shepard’s bottle that Mom picked
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| out of the dumpster behind the 7−11. |
| Mom brought the bottle inside and
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| sat it down on top of the TV. |
| Then she told all of us kids to gather
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| round, and then she explained how Jesus lived in the bottle, and how,
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| if she wanted to, she could call him out to do her bidding. |
| Sis said it reminded her of an old TV show, and Mom slapped her and called her a heretic. |
| I didn’t say anything, cause I just still remember the time
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| outside the Safeway, when it took 4 security guards to hold Mom down.
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| Jesus loves me, yes I know
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| For the Bible tells me so When I’m weak he makes me strong
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| That’s why I sing this song
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| If I die before I wake
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| Pray to him my soul don’t take
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| Jesus loves me, yes I know
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| It wasn’t long before people from all over the world started coming to our house to see the bottle. |
| At first I thought that this would make me more popular at school. |
| Instead it seemed to have the opposite result.
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| Kids would stop and point at me in the hallway and say, «There's the boy
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| whose mother keeps our savior cooped up in that tiny little bottle."And
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| then everybody started calling me 'Bottle boy'. |
| And that really hurt. |
| It was also around this time that Mom began to attract some really weird
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| followers. |
| Like that guy who never used deodorant and spoke only in riddles. |
| And that woman who collected 19th century hand made Amish
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| swimwear.
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| Jesus loves me, yes I know
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| For the Bible tells me so When I’m weak he makes me strong
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| That’s why I sing this song
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| If I die before I wake
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| Pray to him my soul don’t take
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| Jesus loves me, yes I know
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| Mommy she loved Jesus, but not like others did
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| For she had a special bottle in which our savior lived
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| Mommy she loved Jesus, but not like others did
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| For she could unleash His vengeance by unfastening the lid
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| As the year went on, things went from bad to worse, and I realized that
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| if there wasn’t a big change pretty soon, I’d never be able to get a date for the prom. |
| I couldn’t go the year before because Mom belonged
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| to a church that considered dancing a one way ticket to Hell. |
| But
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| that’s a whole nother story. |
| Anyway, by this point Mom had appeared on the Richard Bey Show, A.M. |
| Philadelphia and Geraldo, so there was
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| no use in me changing schools, since everybody knew who my Mom was.
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| Also we had to spend all the money from Mom’s personal appearances to hire a bodyguard, since by this point we were getting about 400 death
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| threats a day.
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| Jesus loves me, yes I know
|
| For the Bible tells me so When I’m weak he makes me strong
|
| That’s why I sing this song
|
| If I die before I wake
|
| Pray to him my soul don’t take
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| Jesus loves me, yes I know
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| Then one night, I just couldn’t stand it any more. |
| While everyone else
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| was sleeping I crept downstairs. |
| Slowly I went up to the bottle and
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| began to unfasten the lid. |
| At first, nothing happened. |
| But then the room
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| filled with a thick white smoke. |
| I was glad my sister had taken the
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| batteries out of the smoke detector to put into her Walkman. |
| When the
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| smoke cleared, I found myself face to face with the son of God, who was
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| much shorter than I had expected. |
| He told me that since I’d freed Him,
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| He’d grant me one wish. |
| And that’s how I got to go to the prom with
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| Geena Davis. |
| But you probably already read about that in People.
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| Jesus loves me, yes I know
|
| For the Bible tells me so When I’m weak he makes me strong
|
| That’s why I sing this song
|
| If I die before I wake
|
| Pray to him my soul don’t take
|
| Jesus loves me, yes I know
|
| Mommy she loved Jesus, but not like others did
|
| For she had a special bottle in which our savior lived
|
| Mommy she loved Jesus, but not like others did
|
| For she could unleash His vengeance by unfastening the lid
|
| Mommy she loved Jesus, but not like others did
|
| For she had a special bottle in which our savior lived
|
| Mommy she loved Jesus, but not like others did
|
| For she could unleash His vengeance by unfastening the lid |