| Close your eyes, open your mind
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| Your journey’s about to begin
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| Relax your karma and try not to barf
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| As the universe starts to spin
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| Hocus Pocus, Expialidocious
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| Set your aura free
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| Petrificus Totalus
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| Drink deeply from the chalice
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| Tell us what you see!
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| Ahahahaha!
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| : I see a door!
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| : Oi! |
| What did I say? |
| No-
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| : Go through it
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| : It’s opening on its own!
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| : That’s magic
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| : This is the day my father died
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| The king is dead, long live the king
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| The king is dead, long live the king
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| Where is his son, who’ll inherit everything?
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| : Is that you, sire? |
| So handsome
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| : No. It’s my much older brother, Kingsley
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| : I can’t see anything!
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| : That’s me
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| : Shut up, you!
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| : I can’t see anything!
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| : Shut up!
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| : Oh, dear
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| : I ate my feelings. |
| And a lot of bread
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| : The sword, Your Highness!
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| Here’s your royal sword!
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| : No one gives me anything
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| : To be the king, you must receive the sword!
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| : If I want something, I take it
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| And I don’t want to be any king
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| : Oh, but, Kingsley, it’s your destiny
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| We literally named you 'Kingsley'
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| God told us to!
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| It’s not like we were being trendy
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| My destiny lies beyond the castle walls, mother
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| I’m going to conquer and kill
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| And spread bastard children throughout the land, like wildflower seeds
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| Somebody else can sit on their ass and rule
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| But who? |
| Who?
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| But who? |
| Who?
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| But who?
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| (Young Richard farts, the Royal Court gasps)
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| : Dickie?
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| : Dickie? |
| Ha!
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| : Brilliant. |
| Gareth!
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| : Aye!
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| : You shall be the king’s guard
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| : I’m only ten, but alright
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| I’m Gareth, and I’ll faithfully serve you, My King
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| The sword, your highness
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| Here’s your royal sword
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| To be the king-
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| Actually, I think I will take the sword
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| Good luck, Dickie |